PRESENTS OR PRESENCE

When I was a child, the week before Christmas was very exciting. Our house was decorated beautifully, and we spent time with family and friends. On Christmas Eve, I can remember being so anxious for Santa to come and bring gifts.

Bedtime would come, and my parents would tell us that we had better go to bed so that Santa could visit or else we would not have a Christmas. We would hurry to bed but try to stay awake to hear something so that we could catch a glimpse of this jolly old man, who somehow managed to keep all the children of the world’s addresses and requests in order and make his entire trip in one night.

Of course, we always fell fast asleep so we never did see anything or anyone. All we knew was that when we went to bed there was nothing under the tree, and when we woke up there were beautifully wrapped presents everywhere! What fun we had opening them! We squealed with delight as we got things that we had put in our letter to Santa.

As the years went by, we obviously found Santa to be a figment of our imagination but still found the holiday season to be delightful. Instead of waiting for Christmas morning, we began a tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve. We waited all day in anticipation of that moment. The excitement made me queasy every year for as long as I can remember.

As my siblings and I got married and had children, we found great joy in the thought that "Christmas is for kids." We never forgot to give honor and reverence to Jesus Christ, but our joy came from the children’s response to the gifts.

Something changed when Dad died, and then my husband and I were divorced. I still made trips back "home" at Christmas and though it was a two-hour drive, it seemed that my focus changed from Christmas presents to being in the presence of those who I loved. I look back on my Christmas travels, and they were very special times. My daughter and her husband joined us on Christmas morning for "breakfast at Granny's" and we gave gifts that were tokens of our love but the focus had shifted once again when my daughter married and established her own home. Spending time with loved ones and celebrating the birth of Jesus was a priceless present to me.

Then several years ago, as my grandchildren began to come along, I realized how travel with children during the holidays could be such a strain on a family, so I insisted that they establish their own Christmas traditions, and I would join them at their home on Christmas Day. So, I would continue to go "home" for Christmas with my Mom, and after "brunch" with my brothers on Christmas morning would make the drive back to Raleigh for Christmas with my children and grandchildren. Then three years ago, on Christmas Day, in the Kate B. Reynolds Hospice home in Winston-Salem, my beloved Mom went home to be with Jesus.

I no longer feel the anticipation that I once felt about the holidays. To be honest what I have felt recently has been pressure and some discouragement, as I cannot do many of the things I once did—things that I thought made Christmas special. The focus now stopped being about presents and instead about "presence"…people’s presence in our lives and our presence in theirs. Above all else, it has come down to sensing a Christmas "Presence" of peace and love that can only come from Jesus.

It isn’t necessary any more to make a Christmas list, because the things I desire cannot be purchased with money. I am content with what I have, and the only thing that I desire is that sense of wonder and awe I felt as a child—not for Santa—but for My Heavenly Father. When you think about it, in some ways He parallels Santa. He knows all of His children by name. He knows the desires of our hearts and has the ability to visit each of us simultaneously. He does not leave gifts that are perishable but if we will look for Him, He will leave something that is priceless…His Presence in our midst.

There is nothing else I need for my life. Things no longer make me happy, and let’s face it, we cannot look to people for a sense of joy. But His Presence during this holiday season is something that we are all in need of and deeply longing for.

You might ask why God’s Presence is so important to me. Well, the Bible says that in His Presence is fullness of joy, in His Presence there is rest, and in His Presence is peace of mind, hope, and renewal. Most of all, in His Presence is a love deeper than even the deep love of family and friends.

Perhaps you feel the same way today. You may be weary, worn and even hurting deep inside. The pile of presents are there in front of you, but you find no joy, peace, hope, or love. What you need is to take your eyes off those presents, and instead put your eyes on God’s Presence—which He has promised to you even now. He will not withhold any good thing from you…and having His Presence in your life is the best gift you will ever receive.